DAMN……..
Sialan..!!benar-benar sialan!!!uda nulis banyak, tiba-tiba error..Kesabaranku kali ini emang benar2 diuji. Kesabaran memang ada batasnya…… Di Blog sebelumnya i was told i’ll make a new blog about him. Mengulas lebih detail apa yang aq alami with him. Bahkan aq akan muat semua email from him. Tapi dengan berbagai pertimbangan, aq mohon maaf kalo g bakalan cerita tentang dia. This is over!!I have to forget him! Must to forget him!! DAMN….. Alasan utama knapa aq g mau bahas mengenai “him”… Putus suatu hubungan antara sepasang kekasih, bukan berarti harus putus komunikasi. Bukan berarti harus putus tali silaturahmi ( btw, kira2 dia ngerti g ya? ). I tried to kept contact with him after we broke up. Tapi apa kata dia? “I don’t live inside the past…and it’s your problem if you can’t accept that we are not even friends.”
Sebelum ultah dia, aq sempet sent a gift for him. Dengan memendam sejuta harapan aq kirim itu. I hope he will know that I love him so much, he will know that I care about him. Tapi asa itu tidak ada harganya..I’m hopeless….
“I can’t afford it, and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to receive it. I don’t want to receive anything from you anymore.”
Aku menceritakan hal ini, maybe it same with kill myself. Semua ga akan nyangka aku akan segitu “bodohnya” nurutin hatiku hanya buat “laki2 macam dia”. But i try to tell the truth. Ga perlu ada yang disembunyiin lagi. Coz ini yang terkahir kali aq cerita tentang Dia. This is the last!!! This is not cheap when i sent it to him. Coz hampir gajiku sebulan ludes gara2 kirim ini. Sekali lagi, semua yang aku lakuin SIA2..!! 
Jumat kemaren tepatnya tgl 28 Maret ’08, paketanku kembali setelah ditolak oleh dia. paketanku kembali setelah terkatung2 hampir 3 bulan di sana. Dia yang dulu ga boleh disebut namanya, sekarang semua bisa tahu siapa dia. Who is he??… Ga tahu gimana harus menggambarkan perasaanku waktu itu. Sedih, kecewa, atau mungkin sakit hati??i don’t know…. 
Simple and to the point. Aku pilih post card dengan cover "wayang". Ga tahu kenapa juga aku pilih itu. Mungkin biar lebih keliatan Indonesianya kali. Yeah, trully Indonesia…Mungkin kalian semua menertawakan kebodohanku. Menertawakan semua tindakanku and maybe you will say.."Nanie is stupid girl!".Whatever you wanna say, i’m here to hear you friends…… 
And now i’ll show my letters. Ga peduli apa respon kalian, cemooh kalian. Aku ga peduli!!Waktu baca surat dibawah ini mungkin dibenak kalian terbesit kata-kata seperti ini," Nanie PD banget ya kirim surat pake bhs. Inggris. Padahal uda jelas2 kalo inggrisnya jeblok, ancur tapi masih nekat juga!!ditambah lagi tulisannya yang jelek seperti cakar ayam!!". Kali ini aku emang ga akan peduli coz ini adalah blog terakhir tentang dia!!. 
Sudah puas tertawanya??? Tapi kesannya kok seperti dia yang selalu buat aq sedih. Itu engga benar. Ga jarang juga aku buat dia mad. But i knew that he care and love me.
"Hello Nanie… I just wanna say that I am sorry because I got so angry and mad with you the past 2 days… I am still angry but I don’t wanna hurt you… I know why you did it… I know why you didn’t translate it… somehow I understand you… but that’s not correct Nanie… I was hoping you could give me a honest answer and you couldn’t… and now what? how to trust you again Nanie? You know our relationship changed since the "italian guy" incident… since then I started to doubt about you… and I needed to believe you… but everytime I got some trust… we fight again… salah, eko, etc… and now this… I really don’t know what to do Nanie… I want to trust you… I really do, but if you can’t be honest with me what can I do? tell me please… I need to trust you, I need to believe you… because if I don’t believe you I don’t have anything else to do here… and in the last months you’ve become more and more important to me… if you leave me, or if I leave you now I really don’t know what will happen to me… because I am very bad here, and now that I don’t have you near me I am still worst… Nanie… I am having very bad thoughts… I don’t want to scare you but I don’t know how much time I will hold everything that’s happening to me… I need you, I REALLY NEED YOU BECAUSE YOU GIVE ME ALL THE STRENGH THAT I NEED EVERYDAY TO FACE LIFE… I REALLY NEED YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE THE FIRE THAT MAKES MY STAR TO BRIGHT… TO SHINE EVEN MORE THAN THE SUN… YOU ARE MY LIGHT NANIE, AND I CAN’T BE ANGRY WITH YOU… I JUST CAN’T BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE… All my body is hurting now… in the last 2 days I’ve been not sleeping… I only sleep 1 hour per day… I am like a dead person… I think I won’t go to work today… I really can’t do that… when my mind starts thinking it will keep thinking and thinking… and I can’t sleep… I don’t know Nanie… tell me how to trust in you again… tell me that you will never ever lie to me again… hide something… please… I ALWAYS TOLD YOU THAT I PREFER THE SADDEST TRUTH TO THE HAPPIEST LIE… I’ve told you that a lot of times… it’s true… I prefer you to be honest with me… ALWAYS… and if I get mad with you for being honest… well… that’s much better than being angry with you because you was not honest… if I angry with you for being honest it’s just madness… but it won’t affect my trust again… so it’s not so important you know… but now my trust is damaged again… and it is SO HARD for me to get it back… I’ve told you the history of my life… and how all the people lied to me and all my family… how even my grandmother stole from us… you know I don’t trust people… I want to trust you… if you really love me… I will trust you… but you have to teach me how… and if I ask you something… you HAVE to be honest with me, no matter what happens… no matter if I will be mad, it doest matter, I prefer to be mad with you for something truth, than lose the trust in you for hidding me something like this… you know I can be mad many times, but I always forgive you… but when u damage the trust like this is just too much… Nanie… I beg you… don’t lie to me again… I LOVE YOU. Let’s see how things go on… Only yours, Jose."
Maaf buat temen2 yang disebut namanya diatas. Itu hanya misunderstood between us. I’m so sorry for you. Moga ajah kalian bisa ngerti. Coz "dia" bukan orang yang "biasa". Selain surat, aku juga kirim patung “wayang”. Ardjuna & Srikandi. Dia ga bakalan ngerti maksud dari ini but I can’t tell story about it. Jumat itu disaat aku buka paketanku, sungguh miris hatiku. Patung itu remuk, tangan maupun kakinya putus. Ku coba lagi merangkai bagian2 patung itu dengan lem sampai larut malam. Aku sedih……aku nelangsa…..Digambar bawah ini mungkin ga keliatan kalo patung itu uda remuk disana sini. That’s my hope! 
itu sebelum aku edit and otak atik… Kalo yang bawah ini uda aku edit…. 
Fuiihhh….kayaknya uda cukup aku tulis tentang dia. Uda cukup sedih karena dia. Kali ini aku capek dengan dia. Aku ga sakit hati, cuma nelangsa aja… Makasih buat semua teman2ku atas input-anya mengenai dia..Maaf atas semua kebodohanku.. CLOSED!!!
